The story of Pepe and Pepa

Carmen Ruiz Repullo

Pepa and Pepe are a sixteen-year-old couple who have been dating for two weeks. They met through a WhatsApp group of mutual friends. Both she and he are studying, and for now they see each other on weekends but keep in touch via cell phone. Pepe sends Pepa more and more WhatsApp messages, but these messages become less loving and more controlling: "Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? What time shall we meet?" A friend of Pepa's tells her that Pepe is very annoying, but Pepa thinks it's because he loves her and is very attentive to her. One day Pepe gets angry with Pepa because she says he doesn't answer his WhatsApp messages when she's online. He tells her that he is attentive to her but she isn't, asking if it's because she's talking to other guys or because she doesn't love him anymore. Pepa tells him that this is a lie and that she loves him very much, so from that moment on, she quickly answers his messages to show her love.

Another day, while at the park, Pepe asks her to lend him her phone for a moment to look at something on Instagram. While she's looking at it, Pepa receives a WhatsApp message from a group of friends from high school, and it's a boy. Pepe gets upset and starts pestering her with questions about the boy and her love for him. Pepa tells him that she loves him and isn't flirting with anyone. Pepe doesn't believe her much and tells her that if that's the case, she should delete herself from that WhatsApp group and others where boys are. To show him that she's not cheating on him, Pepa agrees and deletes herself from these groups. As they see each other more and more every day, Pepe learns more about Pepa, although she still hasn't given him her social media passwords, and he distrusts her. One afternoon, he asks her to give them to him, but Pepa refuses. He tells her that it's because she's hiding something and is talking to boys. To show him that she's not cheating on him, Pepa says, "Take them so you can see that I'm not hiding anything from you." Pepe logs into her social media profiles using Pepa's password and begins analyzing her activities. He sees that Pepa has photos with friends he doesn't like and that she follows a lot of boys on social media, so he begins removing Pepa's photos and friends. At first, she gets angry, but he tells her that if she follows these boys, it's because she wants something with them. So, once again, to show her love, she accepts Pepe's demands.

The following week is Pepa's birthday, and she goes out to dinner with Pepe. That day, she wears a short dress that someone gave her, but when Pepe sees her, he tells her that all the boys are going to look at her and that he doesn't like that, that she's wearing it to provoke him. Pepa tells him no, but he spends the whole night angry and distant with her. That same week, when they meet after school, Pepa is wearing black tights, and he tells her that they show through everything and that you can see what she's wearing underneath. He doesn't like it when she wears them, so she stops wearing them.

One Saturday, Pepa goes clothes shopping with her family. Pepe tells her not to wear shorts that show her butt cheeks while she's with him. She says they're in style and she likes them, but he insists she doesn't buy them. When evening comes, Pepe asks her to take a picture of herself in what she's going to wear so he can see if she actually bought the shorts. She sends him a photo of herself wearing a pair of jeans, and he tells her he loves them, so Pepa wears them to meet him. From that moment on, Pepe begins to forbid Pepa from wearing certain items of clothing, but she thinks it's because he loves her so much and doesn't want any boy looking at her. And she climbs the FIRST STEP of control.

One Friday, Pepe sends Pepa a WhatsApp after lunch to ask what they're going to do this weekend. Pepa tells him that her friends are meeting up around 8 p.m. for a drink. Pepe tells her that he's not really into the plan, and besides, there's a friend of hers, Paula, who doesn't like him very much, and he feels uncomfortable. He thinks Paula is putting ideas in Pepa's head to stop her from continuing with him. Pepa insists on meeting up with her friends, but Pepe insists that the two of them be alone so they can get to know each other better. Furthermore, Pepe doesn't like Pepa going out alone with her friends because they don't have partners and, according to him, they flirt with all the boys, which he doesn't like. After much insistence, Pepa agrees and sends a WhatsApp to her group of friends to tell them that she's not going out with them today, but rather with Pepe. The couple is increasingly isolated, and Pepa hasn't been seeing her friends for a while. She only meets with Pepe and goes to English classes two days a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

One Tuesday, he calls her at 4:30 p.m. to tell her what she's doing, and she tells him she's packing her backpack to go to English class. Pepe tells her he's bored and doesn't know what to do. She tells him if he wants, he can accompany her to English class and have fun for a while. He agrees and goes home. They walk to the English academy, and when they arrive, Pepe tells her he wants to talk to her. He tells her he's very much in love and doesn't want to suffer. He sees that she's less in love and isn't putting the same amount into the relationship as he is. Pepa tells him she's very much in love and doesn't know why she's hesitant, that she shows it to him every day. Pepe insists, and Pepa continues to convince him of her love. When he looks at the time, it's already late, so he decides to skip English class that day. Pepe is bored every Tuesday and Thursday, so he accompanies Pepa to English class to see her for a while. One Thursday, he tells her he's had a fight with his best friend and that he shouldn't leave him alone, that he shouldn't go to English class, so Pepa stays with him. Two weeks later, he tells her again that he wants to buy a jacket and doesn't want to go alone, but that she can go with him, so he misses English class again. Her constant absences from school cause her to fail the exam for the quarter. Pepa is overwhelmed because she thinks she won't be able to pass the exam, so she skips English class and meets with Pepe every Tuesday and Thursday. Thus, Pepa climbs to the SECOND STEP, isolating herself from her friends and hobbies.

This year is Pepa's end-of-year trip, and all the first-year high school classes are going on a cruise to Italy. At school, preparations are already beginning, and they ask Pepa if they're counting on her. That afternoon, Pepa tells him, thinking he wouldn't mind, but Pepe tells her, "You'll see what you do." Pepa doesn't quite understand his response, but she knows that going on the trip will have negative consequences for their relationship, so she decides not to go and makes excuses to her friends, such as, "Italy is too far away," "I get seasick on cruises," "The date is really bad for me." Pepe manages to make all her free time his. Pepe's anger toward her becomes more and more frequent. Pepa tries to make him see that he's not behaving well with her, but he blames her for everything that happens to her, and Pepa climbs to the THIRD STEP.

Pepa and Pepe have been together for four months, and he has been asking her to have sex for a while. Pepa has always been very afraid of pregnancy, so she asked him to postpone the matter. Although they have had some sex, Pepe is tired of the same old thing and wants to do more. One Saturday, he tells her that his parents are gone and if she wants to watch a movie at his house, she says okay and they meet there in the afternoon. When they are on the couch, Pepa starts touching Pepa and she tells him to stop. He stops for a bit but starts again after a while. She is uncomfortable with the situation and keeps stopping him until Pepe finally gets angry and gets up from the couch very angry. Pepa follows him and tells him not to get angry. He tells her that they have been together for a long time and that if he wanted to, he would show her. She feels cornered and doesn't know what to do. She is unsure, but to please Pepe, she agrees to have sex, taking the FOURTH STEP.

At the end of summer, Pepa and Pepe are walking through their city and hear the voices of her friends having a drink in a café. Pepa runs over because she hasn't seen them in a long time, so she begins to greet them effusively. When she finishes, she sees that he hasn't even come over to say hello, so she tells her friends she has to go and that they'll see each other another day. When she meets him again, Pepe tells her that she's acting like an idiot, that she seems like an asshole around her friends, and that he can't stand her like that. Pepa feels bad, doesn't greet her friends the same way again, and climbs the FIFTH STEP.

Every time Pepe is with Pepa, he gets angry or argues about something she does or says that he doesn't like. One day, Pepa, tired of his tantrums, tells him she can't take it anymore and that they need to talk. Pepe gets very upset and starts kicking a park bench. She gets scared and tries to calm him down, but Pepe starts insulting her again and goes home. The following week, Pepa goes to Pepe's house to check on him. He hasn't answered her WhatsApp messages, and she's worried. When she arrives, he's home alone, and they start talking about what happened the previous week. Pepa tells him again that he needs to change, that there are things that hurt him. At that moment, Pepa's phone rings, and it's a friend of hers, telling her something about class. Pepe gets very upset again and grabs Pepa's phone and smashes it in the bedroom. Pepa runs away, scared, telling him that the relationship is over. Pepe tries to contact her, but since he doesn't have a cell phone, he can't. So he buys her a new one the next day and goes to find her to convince her to stay with him. Pepa is very hurt, but he tells her he's going to change; he has other problems at home and is very upset. She gives him another chance by climbing the SIXTH STEP.

After a week of peace and quiet, Pepa tells Pepe that Saturday is Raquel's birthday and she'd really like to go with all her friends. Pepa knows Pepe doesn't really like her friends, but she insists on going to the birthday party. Pepe tells her no, that he doesn't want her to go; that her friends just want her to break up. Pepa tries to convince him, telling him she's going; that she hasn't been with her friends for a while. Pepe gets really angry and starts insulting her. Pepa tells him she can't take it anymore and leaves.
When she reaches the corner, she sees him chasing her and starts running. Pepe catches up to her and when she tries to leave, he grabs her arm tightly. Pepa insists on leaving, but to stop her, Pepe grabs her hair and tells her to wait. Pepa asks him what he's doing. He lets go and tells her he can't take it anymore, that he loves her very much and that he can't be without her. Pepa starts to cry, and they start talking until Pepe convinces her again not to leave him, and she climbs the SEVENTH STEP.

Pepa knows that her relationship with Pepe isn't going well, but she doesn't know what to do. She's confused and decides to tell a friend what's happening. Her friend tells her she needs to end the relationship, that he doesn't treat her well, and that she can't go on like this. In the afternoon, she talks to Pepe and tells him she wants some time, that she's overwhelmed, and needs to think about whether she wants to continue the relationship or not. He begins to see their relationship in danger and tells her he can't be without her, that if she leaves him, he'll kill himself, and that she's the only one who understands him. The next afternoon, they're at a bench, and Pepa brings up the subject again. He starts banging his head against the bench and tells her he's never going to get over this, that he'll take his own life, and that please, don't leave him, that he'll change, sending Pepa up the EIGHTH STEP.

After a week in which they haven't had any fights, Pepe suggests that Pepa spend Saturday night at his house. Pepe's family is away, and he's alone. Pepa thinks it's a good idea, so they start making plans for the weekend. When they're alone at the house on Saturday afternoon, Pepe and Pepa begin kissing and having sex. At one point, Pepe tells her to turn around because he likes another position. Pepa does so, but it hurts a lot. She's not calm, and tells him to stop, because she doesn't like it. He continues, and Pepa starts crying, telling him not to continue because it hurts. When Pepe finishes what he wants, she tearfully tells him that she didn't like it, that he was too rough, and that he shouldn't do it again. Pepe doesn't say anything and makes her climb the ninth step.

From that day on, the situation becomes increasingly unbearable for Pepa. She cries constantly in her room so that people won't see her, and she avoids her friends so that they won't ask her and pressure her into leaving, but she can't take it anymore. In the afternoon, she tells Pepe that she definitely wants to leave the relationship, that she's fed up, and that he should leave her alone. Pepe, seeing that she means it, gets very angry and grabs her hair tightly. Pepa tells him to let go and runs away, but he goes after her and grabs her by the neck. Pepa has never seen Pepe so upset and is very afraid that he will hurt her. He begins to attack her and hits her hard on the back, so he sits down on the TENTH STEP.

Originally published in Voices Behind the Data, a qualitative look at gender-based violence in adolescents, published by the Andalusian Women's Institute.